Master Your Stories

This post is inspired by Crucial Conversations. Everyone has a story. For some of us, it’s easy for that story to become a resentment narrative. One of the steps in the Crucial Conversations framework is to master your stories. We are meaning-making machines, and very often in our attempt to understand a person or a situation, we let our imagination masquerade as reality. We play both parts of a conversation, sure that we know what the other person is thinking. We don’t, and we are lousy at guessing. Our brains are trying to quickly interpret incomplete information, and those quick judgments are often wrong.

We think we are telling a story about what happened, but we are protecting who we are.

I love the three “peaces” from Sonya Renee Taylor’s book, The Body is Not an Apology, especially this one:

“Peace with Not Understanding: Accept that you do not need to understand someone’s choices, appearance, or life to give them love, honor, and respect.”

So my slow productivity tip is to make peace with not understanding. Protect your boundaries, of course. But be okay with not understanding. And be okay with people not understanding you.

Also, this classic from Jen Sincero bears repeating:
“Do not waste your precious time giving one single crap about what anyone else thinks of you. Imagine how liberating that would be!”

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Developing a better relationship with fear

The theme of April seems to be fear. Books, podcasts, and webinars have all landed in my inbox this month, clamoring for my attention, prodding me to reexamine my relationship with fear and interrogate my particular fears.

In a recent Zoom gathering hosted by author Cheryl Richardson, she asked attendees to consider the question, “What have I been thinking about doing that I keep putting off because I’m afraid?”

I have never thought of myself as a fearful person, but it turns out I have some doozies in answer to this question. Maybe you do, too? I hope you will take a few minutes to think about this question and write down your thoughts. It might be the first step in moving from busy to alive.

Check out the recent conversation hosted by Cheryl Richardson on her website: How to Become Brave as We Age

Photo by Vadim Bogulov on Unsplash

Leave your phone well out of reach

Several people inspired me to keep my phone in a designated spot and not on my person. I have two spots: my desk upstairs and a side table in the living room. My life is better when I don’t use my phone first thing in the morning or after dinner. I’ve turned off notifications. I’m ready to get an old-school house phone. Our phones and their many apps are designed to be addictive. Micaeleen Doucleff offers insights into how our relationship with screens has left us feeling anxious and empty. The instant gratification we thought our smartphones were delivering might be instant, but not really that gratifying. And it turns out dopamine isn’t what we thought it was. 

Check out her new book, Dopamine Kids. TL;DR? My friends at FAN hosted a one-hour talk:  Michaeleen Doucleff, Ph.D., and Heidi Stevens — Dopamine Kids  or check out ‘Dopamine Kids’ explains why children crave screens and helps them enjoy life instead on NPR.

Photo by Toby Osborn on Unsplash

Assign a day

For most of us, trash day is a regular affair. I don’t think about it; I know the trash needs to go out on Thursdays for a Friday pickup. So I started assigning days for other house chores. I split the laundry between Thursdays and Sundays. We have Sheet-switching Saturdays and Toilet Tuesdays for bathroom cleaning.

In 2025, I aimed to work out on all even days. In 2026, I decided to shoot for daily workouts. (I do about 10 minutes plus 30 minutes of walking per day.) The recommended exercise target for adults is 150 minutes of activity a week, including 60 minutes of strength training. I’m not quite at 60 minutes yet, but I’m working in that direction.

Photo by Elena Mozhvilo on Unsplash

Use systems!

I have a system for getting ready. My uniform is jeans, a T-shirt, and a hoodie. In the winter, I add leggings and a button-down shirt or sweater. In warmer weather, short-sleeved shirts and denim capris are in the rotation.

If I dress up, which is once or twice a month, I add a jacket and sometimes a dress shirt.

I have a key rack. Keys go on the key rack

I have a drawer for light bulbs and a drawer for batteries.

We have a landing strip by the door for everything we need when heading out for dog walks, including distance glasses and sunglasses, plus our incredibly handy car bags.

We have a calendar station with a small filing basket for anything we need to keep. We file everything by month and can usually get three or four years of monthly files in one small box. These get shredded after seven years. It took me a while to get here, but I don’t think about it anymore.

I constantly misplace my phone, headphones, and computer glasses, so I have room for improvement in 2026!

My life got better when I started using Calendly for scheduling. It integrates seamlessly with my digital calendar.

Using systems like these can help me reduce the cognitive load of daily living, keep track of essential items, and save time (and hassle!).

Photo by Olga Kovalski on Unsplash

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” – Attributed to Lao Tzu

Delay, delay, delay

Being a person of action is celebrated in our society. Decisiveness feels like a virtue. Quick action is rewarded. I have a bias toward action, and that serves me well–most of the time. Waiting is not always my strong suit. The waiting is the hardest part, as Tom Petty would say

This past month, I had the opportunity to practice the fine art of cooling my jets. Between November 26 and December 2, I participated in the black Friday boycott. No shopping, no credit card use. It felt really strange, which is a sign of how our consumer society permeates everyday life. By day three, I was deleting all the sales emails without opening them. I made mental notes about donations to make after December 2. I also began to see evidence that a lot of the promotions aren’t real sales, and there’s a lot of false urgency created around consumer marketing, especially at Christmas.

And I started to see the power of delaying decision-making. I have become very adept at speed deleting marketing emails. (I also unsubscribed from many.) I think I’m going to implement a buying blackout one week per month.

What does the research say? Research reveals the surprising benefits of waiting – even for a moment | The Independent 

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“When we know what to say no to, we can say yes to the things that matter.” Ryan Holiday, Stillness is the Key, p. 191

Saying No

We are conditioned to say yes. Even if every fiber of our being is screaming “NO!!!”

No is the ultimate boundary word and the gateway to reclaiming your time, your peace, your energy.

In Stillness is the Key, Ryan Holiday notes that doctors, firefighters, and police officers can all use the statement “I’m on call” as a shield against being sucked into activities. He makes an interesting point: that we are all on call in our own lives, and it’s worth preserving our full capacity for what’s most important to us. So next time life tries to suck you into something that your whole body says no to, remember you can say, “I’m sorry, I’m on call.”

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“Everything you want to be, you already are.
You’re simply on the path to discovering it.”—Alicia Keys

Cultivating contentment

The to-do list has become a monster of want. We want to fix things, make things, and make things better. But what if we took a moment to be content with things (and people) exactly as they are?

Photo by Nora Hutton on Unsplash

Spend time in nature 

Want to improve your focus and your well-being? Put your phone away and step out into nature. The length of time doesn’t seem to matter, but a little more time gives your mind a chance to wander and make those invaluable connections.

Photo by Robert Haight

Walking away from things undone (and unread). 

This has been among the hardest tips for me to learn and practice: it’s okay to walk away from a project—or a book—that you haven’t finished. Or even one you haven’t started. We get involved with things and ideas, and then our lives shift. What was once important is less so. Sometimes we are swayed by others. Recently, I let go of a stack of books that I “should” read. It was hard, and then it wasn’t. My shelves and my reading time both have more breathing room, and I will donate all those books to a book sale that raises money for local organizations.

Photo by Ivan Benets on Unsplash