Books! Unlearning, letter writing and apologies
I read and listened to a wide range of books this month:
- Meditations by Marcus Aurelius – Translation by Gregory Hays
- A question-the-dominant-paradigm trifecta:
- 99% Perspiration: A New Working History of the American Way of Life by Adam Chandler
- Bullshit Jobs: A Theory by David Graeber
(TL;DR link: Bullshit jobs: why they exist and why you might have one—Vox) - Unlearning Shame: How We Can Reject Self-Blame Culture and Reclaim Our Power by Devon Price
- Why Won’t You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by Harriet Lerner
- Syme’s Letter Writer: A Guide to Modern Correspondence About (Almost) Every Imaginable Subject of Daily Life, with Odes to Desktop Ephemera and Selected Letters of Famous Writers by Rachel Syme
I am reading Meditations with the guide from Ryan Holiday of The Daily Stoic, a birthday present from Robert. (I think Ryan does this annually to coincide with Marcus Aurelius’s birthday at the end of April.) I highly recommend this approach! It’s been a great way to read deeply and reflect. You can sign up for the Daily Stoic emails to learn about upcoming offerings. The DS emails are a favorite, and I always try to read the Saturday Stoic Review.
I have many favorite passages from Meditations; here are a few:
- “Keep in mind how fast things pass by and are gone—those that are now, and those to come. Existence flows past us like a river: the “what” is in constant flux, the “why” has a thousand variations. Nothing is stable, not even what’s right here.” (5.23)
- “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” (5.20)
- “Choose not to be harmed—and you won’t feel harmed.
Don’t feel harmed—and you haven’t been.” (4.7)
Interrogate the dominant narrative and ask, “Cui bono?” Who benefits?
I attended an online talk by Adam Chandler, the author of 99% Perspiration. (He’s also the author of Drive-Thru Dreams.) You can listen to the talk hosted by FAN on YouTube: Adam Chandler & Kathy Gilsinan – 99% Perspiration: A New Working History of the American Way of Life
This book is an excellent companion to Bullshit Jobs by the late David Graeber, a professor of Anthropology at the London School of Economics. Both are important interrogations into the nature of work, the myths of rugged individualism, work as identity, the puritanical work ethic, and the American dream. (Here’s the original article that went viral: STRIKE! Magazine – On the Phenomenon of Bullshit Jobs: A Work Rant.)
I’m sorry to say that I have had bullshit jobs. He calls out more than one of my jobs by the specific titles. A defining characteristic of a bullshit job is that the holder of the job believes that it’s a bullshit job even if they pretend otherwise.
Unlearning Shame by Devon Price rounds out the trifecta by exploring how we assign responsibility and blame to individuals instead of addressing systemic societal problems. I found the second half of the book more helpful than the first, and I recommend the audiobook. As with any book, feel free to skip ahead to the parts you need.
Offer better apologies
Harriet Lerner’s Why Won’t You Apologize examines the many reasons that people don’t apologize (spoiler alert: there’s a huge gender component). Even better is that the book offers a master class in apologizing. I thought I was pretty good at apologizing, but let’s just say I have room for improvement. (I also recommend her book The Dance of Anger.)
Write more letters
I was a letter writer as a kid. Less so as an adult, but this piece on NPR with Rachel Syme, author of The Syme Letter Writer, has me itching to write long-form letters again. It’s a beautifully made book that includes a letter from the author in an envelope.
